The Art & Science of Creating a Sense of Trust

The Art and Science of Creating Havens (Trusted)

Welcome to the fifth part of a five-part series on creating Havens within our organizations, schools, families, and among our peers – the very place where we spend the vast majority of our time – our social contexts. Sounds broad, and it is! Self-Reg is for everyone.

Organizations, schools, families, and even our peer groups in which members feel the following: 1) Safe, 2) Balanced, 3) Rooted, 4) Capable, as well as 5) Trusted, are thought of as being Self-Reg© Havens according to Dr. Stuart Shanker and Dr. Susan Hopkins.

My previous four articles discussed feeling safe, balanced, rooted, and capable. I now turn my attention to feeling Trusted. Not the kind of trusted where you would expect perfection, but the kind of trusted whereby you can be expected to make mistakes because you have the best intentions but are learning along the way.

There is a sort of tension or stress embedded in expecting perfection. Whereas knowing that making mistakes will not only be tolerated but accepted as part of the effort we’re making to support each other, is somewhat comforting and or relaxing.

Self-Reg begins with an understanding not of complex neuroscience, but rather the simple notion of people activating a fight or flight response to a perceived threat. It is an important distinction that the threat need ONLY be perceived – our brains, but more specifically our limbic system takes over from there. That threat doesn’t need to be a physical threat… it can be a perceived threat to our intellect, our social standing, our ego, etc. Self-Reg also helps us to recognize the importance to tuning into our own energy/tension levels. We are more apt to perceive threats, which creates more tension when we are burning energy in excess of our ability to restore our energy to meet the demand of the task at hand. When we reframe our responses, and the responses of others to tension-filled situations, as a result of a stress-state rather than a choice, we are practicing Self-Reg. Trusting and knowing this takes us one step closer to creating a Self-Reg© Haven

The Brain Science is in Self-Reg© but the Art lies in how we use the science to help others feel trusted with what they know about growth-promoting Self-Regulation the Stuart Shanker way.